That Foolish Young Man

Change your life faster and more easily.

I opened the car door, fighting the tears but not the memories: my 3-yr-old daughter’s delight as I squeezed into her tiny plastic pool for a swim; the ride on that miniature Smurf train, over and over; and the pride of her cheerleading plus the wonder of watching her become a teenager:

"The stuffed animals are for decoration, Dad!"

And my son: teaching him to go underwater by "accidentally" dropping my keys in the deep end of the pool—followed by my pocket change; that glorious day hiking at Pinnacles National; and those treasured chess games I always lost—and no, not on purpose.

As I finally start the car, I can almost smile at the unfair wrestling matches, two against one, and a father that went down, but not too easily.

Next week, my eyes will be tearing again because, you see, there was a divorce.

And that is just one of my many regrets. If I could only write to that young, foolish know-it-all, pass on some simple insights...

So I did.

HE, of course, wouldn’t be interested in anything that even looked like advice, so it is a good thing I am a storyteller, a literary entertainer of sorts. Even he would enjoy some of these posts.

He Thought He Was Weak

That young man could not stick with a positive resolution, not even the smallest (never mind the big ones at New Year’s). Again and again, he would joyfully start a change only to quit into the pain of another failure. He hated himself for not having enough willpower.

If only he had known the truth that it was never about willpower:

Permanent change comes from those decisions that are made deep within us. Without a deep decision, we end up struggling/fighting ourselves.

A good example is the most failed resolution of all time: weight loss. Americans spent 33 billion dollars in 2020, while almost 2/3 of adults remained overweight or obese (Boston Medical Center).

Why so much failure? People are fighting themselves: pushing hard on their diet/exercise and then rebelling by eating too much of the wrong things. Of course, most of these inner fights lead to quitting.

But wait! What about those amazing success stories that go with the newest weight-loss miracle: pills, diet, or equipment?

These successful people, the ones who did not fall back when the program/ad campaign ended, had already deep-down decided to lose weight. It did not matter what 'miracle' they chose; they would have lost weight with any or none of those products.

How to Make That Deep Decision

(and stop the inner struggle)

These deep decisions happen sooner with a deep insight. Like this:

She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—”

I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?”

Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.

Immediately, that insight began to push her into healthier relationships. Why? Deep insights cannot be unseen; they tend to stay with us, prodding, pushing and motivating us into a permanent change.

This motivation often replaces the usual inner struggle.

You Don't Need Me

By holding a quiet desire, with a relaxed body and breathing, you can discover your own life-changing insights.

Why relaxed? Deep insights are hidden from us because the information is in some way uncomfortable, and that discomfort automatically tightens us, especially in the stomach, shoulders and neck.

This keeps these important insights buried, which leaves so many of us caught in an awful cycle of positive change: pushing, rebelling, pushing and finally quitting -- again.

But by gently holding an intention to know and breathing out the body's tightness (with each breath), your insight can spring from anywhere -- right then or later: from a book, social media or casual conversation). It can even come into your thoughts unprompted.

Feeling stuck? You still do not need an appointment.

I know! I know. Sometimes, no matter what we try, we just can’t seem to lose weight, find a fulfilling relationship, stop the money problems, etc.

So here are 2 techniques to gently lead you in the process of discovery no matter how uncomfortable the insight.

Both techniques come with the continuing support of the series The Power to Change, and because there is nothing held back from those techniques, you can start within minutes.

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